


Bulletproof Desire

by BenevolentIncubus



Category: The Evil Within (Video Game)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Other, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:36:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,951
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22993318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BenevolentIncubus/pseuds/BenevolentIncubus
Summary: Oda's first day back after recovering from his coma, Sebastian is there is see him one last time before he sets his plans for that night into motion. Only the bottle of Jack accompanying him has other plans for him.
Relationships: Sebastian Castellanos/Joseph Oda
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	Bulletproof Desire

Sebastian Castellanos. Male. Age 39. Long ago he cared for his work, being a highly flourishing detective until recent affairs left him spiraling into despair and derailing his path. Feeling powerless and dejected, he took to drinking his sorrows away, returning to work only with a flask in hand. 

Each and every night after those unfortunate events, he still felt responsible for the tragedies that befell him, shrugging off any help offered to him by his comrades. He was alone. A solitary and defeated being who gave up and lost hope for all. He had simply seen too much to give a damn. Lost too much to cling to what little he had left.

Long before the Mobius incident, it was Joseph Oda who had reported him to Internal Affairs, giving him a second fighting chance, redeeming himself. But now, all that had gone to waste. Being as prestigious as he had once been put him into a dangerous line of work, driving him into the very path that destroyed him.

Every night was the same. Drowning in a bottle of Jack Daniels over ice until he took to drinking it straight from the bottle. Cursing at the wall and the occasional lecture he gave himself as he looked into the mirror at the sick bastard he had become. His skin crawled at the memories. Bile caught in his throat as his stomach twisted and knotted. Feral thoughts clawing a his mind, convincing him of the piece of shit that he was.

This night had been like the rest except one small difference; no matter the broken mirror and shattered glass that littered his bathroom floor. He had slumped into the bathtub, no water run since he was still clothed; although his mind could not even comprehend that much. His breathing was growing uneven, sweat mixing with the blood that pooled in the palm of his hand, summoning an ungodly stinging from where the glass protruded his wrist. 

Maybe...

Maybe he could end it all. Perhaps put an end to his suffering. He was a fuck up, after all. People died because of him. For him. Maybe he owed it to them to die. To join them. No one living gave a shit, did they? Why the fuck would they?

Sebastian found himself heaving up what little he had had for lunch alongside the acid that had been burning within him all day. Good old Jack. Helping him get rid of that unwanted bile and acid. Finding it hard to raise his hand, he groaned and let his head fall to the side, defeated. Too lazy and weak to even off himself. What a good job. Another night to purge his stomach and not the world of himself. Maybe another night. Maybe, tomorrow night. The last thought he could remember before blacking out was the simply conundrum of when the fuck he had pissed himself, thankful he had collapsed in the bathtub and not the floor. Not like he would get out of cleaning it eventually. Unless death met him. Then he was not cleaning shit.

~~

Sebastian sat at his deck in his office, assuming his door had been locked. If he did. Did he? Who fucking knew. He wanted no one to disturb him. The smallest sounds acted like a deep laceration to his brain. His hand had as usual been horrible wrapped with gauze, surprised it had not fallen off on his way to work. Why did he even bother to come in, anyway? 

Something had lured him from his home at last one last time. Probably the fact that he heard Joseph was returning to work that day after waking from a long coma after returning from STEM. Perhaps seeing him one last time would put him at ease. At least that would be one less death on his hands. But the blood of Joseph’s torment and pain still lingered. The last time he had seen the male, he could already see the doubt and pain in his gaze. Last he had seen him, he thought he had left him for dead. 

On this particular day, he said fuck the flask. A full bottle of Jack’s on his desk with an array of papers sprawled about. Maybe he’s finish them and at least not off himself and give himself a title of being lazy fuck, too. Or maybe he’d already acquired that one. His eyes still glossed over, he still felt the urge to vomit, but swallowed it down each and every time. He already smelled of despair and grief; did not add to it while he was locked away in his own room. ‘Did I lock it? Fuck. I forget.’

Swaying out of confusion and drowsiness, he questioned if his reasoning for coming in was justified. Did anything warrant his presence if he had plans on going all the way tonight? No, not really. Just a single moment of relief. One person; still alive. Groaning, he took in a deep breath, finding it hard to fill his lungs with that so called precious oxygen as he doubled over his desk in pain. Pain and shame. How much had he drunk last night? 

His vision blurred more as he clenched his eyes closed to rid himself of the migraine from seeing any blurred text. Fucking shit... He coughed, leading to a stronger pain in his chest as he felt his arms convulse and his legs were giving out underneath him. He was dizzy as fuck and could no longer raise his head to look around. Not as if there was anything else to look at but unfinished work and failed cases pinned to the cork board. 

He tried to inhale to cough again but a stabbing pain in his abdominal region stopped him. Clenching his fists into the documents, he gritted his teeth, feeling the wetness on his face. Sweat? Blood? Tears? Who knew. Maybe a mixture of sorrow and anguish. 

He bit his lips, forcing an intake of air, a second, fighting just as hard for it. Why was he fighting? He paused and only felt the pain shred his chest apart. No. Maybe he was not ready. Or maybe he was a coward? Then it passed. All in an instant. He could breathe, each breath was like accepting the very ice from the poles into his lungs. It hurt, still. But it kept him going. Going where? 

“I’m sorry...” He murmured in a sound that could not be called English nor any other civilized language. Only a drunken pained slur of distress. A shadow lurking above him, he could sense it. Nothing and everything. He felt the weight of years pushing him down into the splintered wood of his desk. Saliva pooling beneath him. Part of him wanted to cry out to the phantoms of of the past for forgiveness, for help. But whispers of the olden years would do him no good. 

Closing his eyes, he felt a sweat embrace him. A thick coating of anguish that chilled him to the bone, lulling him into a comfortable darkness he could call home. Maybe he would never wake. Maybe this was it. 

“Sebastian.” A voice with no figure, but a name. He could not see anything past the dancing lights behind his eyelids as he heard a voice attempt to bring him back But it did not reach. He could not return the notion. He was... content. That voice, so soft and often forgiving. That was the last thing he needed; all he wanted in life. And having all he needed, perhaps his final job was done. He was fulfilled. 

He felt the rough grip of hands on him, pulling him his slumber? How long had he been out? Hours? Minutes? Perhaps even seconds. He could make out the sounds of feet clattering on the ground around him; always the same tone when they entered his office, lacking carpet and the laminating always slick with dry mud. He could always make it out. Angry voices. Or was there just one doubled over? Just how fucking out of it had he been? His throat convulsed at the same time of his arms as he felt bile building up and something leather in his mouth. He gagged on it as he tried to open his eyes but failed them simply... too heavy. 

For once in such a long time... he wanted to continue. A voice ripping him from the shadows and depths of despair. He was in limbo between a hell and another more agonizing hell. He had a second chance, but he had to take a stern grip hold on it. This was not death, this was a worse fate. Sleep. And he wanted to wake. 

He took in a pained gasp, hands ripping into the fabric of the being most close to him, nails piercing the fabric with ease. He fought against the leather in his mouth, but he found himself left with absolutely no strength; only now his attention was brought to his own convulsing, the lack of control he had over his body that had betrayed him. No... he had betrayed his own being. Leather and bile was all he could taste over the next five minutes as he felt the hands on him push him into the very floor he hated, a small thought of regret for not cleaning it sooner itching at the back of his mind.

Hot? Cold? He could not tell. His body went through sessions of feeling like it were on fire to the stinging freezing pain h had felt the night before. Nothing was pleasant. He felt like he was dying, and perhaps he was. But he had found a small string in the darkness to tug on and damn did he cling to what little he had. For once in his life, he knew he had no been left with nothing.

He could hear voices, but else had changed. He still could not make out if there was one being beside him or plenty. His eyes glued shut and watching the dancing lights of his eyelids as he fought in and out of consciousness. It was another good five minutes that felt like an eternity and he felt his body settling, finding what little relief he could when his cramped fingers let loose of the fabric they had somehow not failed to release over the given time.

His mouth; dry and cracked as he felt the leather being finally removed, his first instinct to lick his chapped lips. Air. Finally and at last that voice was reaching him, but still not clear. Then he had the most simple of thoughts; he had not locked the door and someone made it inside. Maybe it was a good thing. Depending on whom it was who had him on the floor. 

His lungs ached as his body fell limp. Although he seemed he had regained control of his verse system, it left him without any strength to move. Not even enough to open his eyes or left his head. He simply gave into the still apparent pain and laid there, barely conscious. 

That was when the worst seem to hit him. He could hear the make of sirens off in the distance; on average he knew they took at minimum seven minutes to get to their department on a good day. Would he make it? Did he want to make it? He had to find the answer soon or else all this suffering would be for nothing. After all, he was just a heap of nothing looking for some cheap excuse to go on; a reason to simply taste that burning Jack Daniels one last time. 

\--- --- Joseph's POV --- ---

How long had it been since the incident involving Beacon? He was too startled by waking up in a hospital room to remember what the doctors had told him, he had simply wanted to leave that dreadful building. Who knew that he'd end up with a fear of hospitals because of what happened? Even after he had woken and they managed to calm him down they had to keep him for a few more days to monitor him and make sure he was alright to send home. Of course, Sebastian hadn't visited him but Kidman did when she could. When she did visit she'd ask how he was and apologize for what had happened but she never once spoke of Sebastian.

After having one day home to settle down he was already on his way to work the next morning, bags under his eyes from lack of sleep but other than that everything else seemed okay for the time being. Joseph wasn't sure he was ready to go back to work just yet, wasn't sure if he was ready to see Sebastian because something told him that he wasn't going to like what he saw at all. Walking into the building he was greeted by a few people but even their kindness didn't stop him from feeling uneasy, something just didn't feel right. Shaking his head he made his way to his partner's office, he had to report him after being away for so long, it's just how things went.

Knocking lightly before opening the door he looked up and just as he parted his lips to speak his own voice caught in his throat at what he was seeing. This was bad. Why the hell was this happening? His first though was that they weren't out of stem after all and it was all a lie. Swallowing thickly his stomach was in knots but he couldn't just stand there and watch, "Sebastian!!!!" His voice called out to the other but he wasn't so sure that the other had heard him as he was at his side as quickly as he could be. Joseph knew what was happening and he had to act as quickly as he could, grabbing his notebook from his pocket and placing the spine side in Sebastian's mouth.

Joseph winced feeling Sebastian dig his nails into him as he grabbed for something to hold onto and panic coursed through his veins as he then pushed the other down to the floor and held him there. "It's going to be alright, Sebastian. You can make it through this!" He waited, watching the other as his own breathing became laced with panic for the other, he needed to call an ambulance now before it got too late. Sebastian was still holding onto his forearms and gripping as tightly as he could so moving at the moment wasn't an option. Turning his head to look over his shoulder he knew he needed to do something. Seeing a few of the others in the building crowded by the door trying to see what was going on he immediately blurted out an order, "Don't just stand there, one of you call an ambulance!!"

Joseph could feel the other's grip loosening and he turned his attention back to the man on the floor as he hovered over him making sure to pull the small notebook from his mouth now, "Sebastian?! Sebastian can you hear me?!" Though there was no verbal answer the other was breathing and that was enough for the time being. His first day back at work and this was what he walked in to find, his partner and friend lying on the floor after having a seizure and no one thought to check in on him?! That was when his worry turned to anger as he looked to those standing in the doorway, "Did none of you think to ask him if he needed help?! Did none of you think something was wrong when he kept drinking and came into work late?!" He grit his teeth, "None of you thought to check in on him or to try and make sure he was alright!!!"

Joseph shook his head, "You all call yourselves detectives and you can't even read how someone must be feeling or that maybe they're having a rough time?! You can't tell just by looking at the person?!" He continued arguing with them all the while making sure Sebastian was breathing until the ambulance arrived, "Just hold on, Sebastian. You're going to be alright. I promise." He knew it was foolish of him to promise such a thing but he had to give himself some hope to hold onto as well.

When the paramedics rushed inside and loaded Sebastian onto the ambulance Joseph insisted that he ride with them, pleading until they let him do so. Just before leaving his office though he noticed the bottle on the desk and he shook his head, did no one care what happened to this man? Did no one but him and Kidman care? Pushing past those he had argued with he made his way outside and stepped into the back of the ambulance.

As he rode in the back of the ambulance Joseph had his head in his hands, he was worried sick about Sebastian but he was also angry with him. His first day back to work and the first thing he's greeted with is Sebastian having a seizure in his office and no one seemed to notice a damned thing. To top it all off he had to go back to the one place he feared the most aside from falling asleep due to his reoccurring nightmares that were tearing him apart. Beside him, Kidman placed a hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him to let him know that everything would be alright and he just shook his head in response as he let out a choked sob.


End file.
